"You’re not weak. Your life is not defined by a letter grade, a dress size, your sexuality or anything else. You have every chance at happiness. You were not meant to suffer. You are loved. Never, ever give up."
Interviewer: "What's your favourite part of Chicago?"
Chris: "That Oprah used to live here,"
(About Struck By Lightning) "Everything's very twisted, including the author."
(About Struck By Lightning) "Therefore; no matter who reviews this movie, no matter what bad review it gets, Judy Bloom has stated she likes this movie so... your opinion is irrelevant.
"I'm tired of being discriminated because I'm way too good-looking!"
(About being bullied in the past) Interviewer: "What would you say to those bullies now?"
Chris: "I have a few words, but I can't say that on live television." *pause* "No, I'd say "Thank you. You've given me a drive."
"My grandmother gave me the best writing advice I have ever gotten; "Christopher, I think you should wait until you're done elementary school before worrying about being a failed writer."
Interviewer: "If your book (Land of Stories: The Wishing Spell) was adapted into a movie, who would you want to play the fairytale characters?"
Chris: "I would want the whole movie to be Meryl Streep, I think she could be every role."
(About two of his favourite movies, Harry Potter and Notes on a Scandal) "From a boy wizard who goes to a school to blackmail for rape. It's all about similar, right?"
(About "The Sister Act") "I used to play the tape and walk around with towels on my head and pretend to be Whoopi. Which I'm sure is a normal thing for every American boy to do, pretend they're Whoopi Goldberg."
"I was a freshmen walking by a group of seniors and they'd be like, "Hey, what's sex with men like?" and I'd say, "Don't you remember?"
(Chris between the scenes of his highschool production of "Man of La Mancha") Interviewer: Do you like your character?
Chris: Um, I’m a little confused about my character’s sexuality. He sings a song called ‘I Like Him’ and he wears a pink corset.
(Upon playing a word association game)
Interviewer: "Actual lightning,"
Chris: "Scary. I hope it doesn't affect me like I, fictitiously made it affect me."
(Upon playing a word association game)
Interviewer: "Christina Hendricks,"
Chris: "Disney Princess."
(Upon playing a word association game)
Interviewer: "Blackmail,"
Chris: "Fun."
"I love me some llamas."
"I have this feud with the LA Unified School District... and I keep getting these phone-calls that my daughter is missing classes. I'm 19, I don't have a daughter! I mean, the 90's were a blur but I don't think I was impregnating at the age of 2. But I'm gonna find this girl and get her ass to school, cause I'm tied of these damn phone-calls!"
"My first reaction was, Oh my god! I get to sing it!? I get to sing Defying gravity!? I get to do it?! Really!? And on National television!?"
Interviewer: "Do you have kids in your life? Relatives or...?"
Chris: "Not really. just the ones who talk to me in my head. I should probably take my medication."
"I really look up to actors that are known for just being damn good actors; that's all I ever aspired to be known as... sexiest man alive couldn't hurt either."
"It's kind of interesting that now when people hear Single Ladies, a song about a women having relationship trouble cause her boyfriend won't commit, they think of me. It's a little strange."
(About his leather Michael jumpsuit) "It was really tight, but my ass looked great... so..."
(Doing a teen.com interview) "Hi! I'm Chris Colfer. Check me out on Teen.com! Check me out...? Well that's suggestive."
"I have something called the Sea Monkey Method. And what that is... is when I was 14, I had sea-monkeys and I forgot to feed them... however, they stayed alive for 7 months. What they were doing, they were eating each other... and living off the waste. So if we could find a waste to live off of, the environment would be better."
(Upon having a fake-relationship)
Dianna Agron: "I was wondering if we should maybe go public with this."
Chris: "Our love...? Yes. Are we dating too? Cause apparently I am dating a lot of people in the cast."
Interviewer: "I would love that! This would be a huge scoop for me and I could talk about this."
Chris: "Yeah, Dianna Agron and I are... dating? Hell yeah, we're going steady, as the kids call it".
"I learned to run very fast after saying comebacks. But it only provoked them. Someone would scream ‘fag’ at me in the hallway and I’d say ‘Yeah, but can you spell it?’. They’d say ‘Hey, your voice is high’ and I’d say ‘Yeah, but so are you most of the time.’ But then they thought it was a game and that I was playing along. I was not playing along."
Interviewer: "Which of you is the funniest cast member?"
Everyone: "Chris."
Chris: "Chris. Because it's true."
Lea Michele: "He's the smartest and funniest."
Chris: "For the record, I'm not smarter then all of you... just most of you."
"I could never rap, I can't even wrap presents."
"There's nothing wrong with you. There's a lot wrong with the world you live in."
"My co-stars get the fun stories, like they're dating this person, real glamorous things like that and the only rumour that has really been about me is that I was killed by a fruit truck."
"I actually have to tone down my own fabulousness and fashionableness when I’m playing Kurt. I kid, I kid. We’re both performers, pale, and sing really high… He’s superior, I’m sarcastic. He’s chic, I’m a geek. He’s fierce, I’m farce. He’s fashionable, I’m flammable."
"If Disney ever did Pinocchio on Broadway, I better get a call. That’s all I’m saying. I just think that I would be perfect for that. I look so much like him that it would honestly be a crime if I didn’t get to do that."
"Whoopi Goldburg is the reason I became black."
"Kurt's clothes are at least half the show's budget."
Interviewer: "Where are you from?
Chris: "Clovis California."
Interviewer: "What is that?"
Chris: "It's a small town where people have no humor but everyone drives a truck."
Interviewer: "If you could be any character in a Harry Potter book, who would you be?"
Chris: "Oh god... definitely want to be Harry, cause he goes through a lot. Or I would want to be one of the Weasley twins... but wait, one of them dies. Okay, I would want to be the one that lives."
(Talking about Thriller/Heads Will Roll) Interviewer: "Did you just want to go and be a zombie?"
Chris: *in husky voice* "Yes I did!"
Interviewer: "Who's the biggest party-er in the cast?"
Chris: "I would say me... only because I stay up the longest."
Interviewer: "What's the weirdest place you've been to?"
Chris: "Hmm... what's an appropriate answer here?"
"One note the director gave me (while kissing Brittany as Kurt) during the make-out scene is that, "Chris, you are too good a kisser. You are kissing her way too well." This was my first Kurt kiss so I kinda just sat there and let her do all the work."
(Talking to Ellen about Lady Gaga) "She reached her hand out and said, "Hi I'm Gaga." And I said, "I can see that... I mean, I know who you are." And then... for whatever reason, I bowed."
Interviewer: "People are saying Glee’s gonna have like a cult following."
Chris: "I hope so! Nothing wrong with cults! Except for the dangerous ones… Those are just bad, don’t join those."
Hater (to Chris, Darren, Lea and Cory on Twitter): "THEY SUCK LIKE GLEE THEY ARE GAY STUPID FUCKING GAY FUCK THEM AND YOU BITCH."
Chris: "Your way with words is outstanding. I applaud you."
(About his grandfather) "He was having heart problems that last night of his life, so they called an ambulance and the last thing he said to my grandmother was, "Let not your heart be troubled." Which is a bible verse, or so they tell me. Then when they were loading him into the ambulance, he was very tall... and a paramedic said, "Gosh, you're a big boy." And he replied with, "That's what she said." And those were his final words."
Chris: "I practice ninjutsu every day."
Interviewer: "Is that the art of defending yourself with ninja weapons?"
Chris: "Yes, the art of the nin (pause) ja."
"We (Darren and I) practice being genuinely nice every day."
"Darren and I are both huge nerds. We love Harry Potter and anything Comic-con-esc."
(After reading a sign for a Regional glee club contest [Emmy Performance]) "Oh it's on bitches."
(About getting a tattoo) Kevin McHale: "As soon as the guy starts, Chris is like "So, what are your parents going to think of this?"
Bonnie Hunt: "Wait, you didn't get one?"
Chris: "Oh HELL no! No, no, no, no! Needles... no."
"So the president walks into the room and is like, "Hi everybody! I'm Barack." And I was like, "I know. I'm Ch-Ch-Chris."
"I kinda sound like I've been sucking on helium all day."
"Funny story: I have a retainer colored like the Italian flag because my orthodontist made a mistake. Just another day in the life of Chris."
"The first one was a real slushie... and it was painful. It felt like I was bitch-slapped by an iceberg."
(About being slushied) "Then when I actually got one it was like, "HOLY HELL!"
(After getting slushied) "I better get an Emmy for that."
"A red carpet and a press line at a funeral has to be the tackiest thing in the world and I want one at mine someday."
"Today a 3 year old girl looked up at me and said, "You sound like a girl." To which I replied, "Yeah, tell me about it."
(About Kurt being at Dalton) Interviewer: "When will Kurt be coming back to McKinley?"
Chris: "I don’t know if I can tell you! It will be fairly soon, if it happens… I might have to take my boyfriend with me, absolutely. We’ll see… He’d be a great accessory for Kurt at McKinley, that’s true."
(About the Klaine breakup) Interviewer: "I was trying to explain to my producers earlier that this is NOT fake, this is for reals."
Chris: "Yeah, yeah, yeah, no... it's fake."
"My voice is a blessing and a curse."
"People still call me ma'am on the phone. And it doesn't even bother me anymore."
"Going through a drive-thru is always fun. Cause it's always so shocking when they'd see me. It would kinda be like, "Oh thank you ma'am..... WOAH! Woah... sorry bout that."
"Kids make fun of my for my voice. When I get excited or nervous it gets REALLY high-pitched, then dogs just go crazy and I remember one time I was coming out of a restaurant... and there was this little girl in a princess dress. And I said, "Oh look how cute you are in a princess dress!" And she looks at me and she's like, "You sound like a girl."
George Lopez: "When did you realize your voice wouldn't change?"
Chris: "Well, I used to go to the doctor and we'd ask, "Is my voice going to change?" And they'd be like, "Well... you're 18... probably not."
George Lopez: "You're right under the M on Time magazine's 100 most influential people."
Chris: *takes the magazine* "Actually, if you block out the T and I, it says Me."
"I was offended at the White House, they didn't search my bag, scan me or anything. I was just so non-threatening, that they let me pass."
"I'll be performing in the Glee Live tour on my 21 birthday, and I expect the whole audience to bring me alcohol."
"I still want Julie Andrews to play my grandmother, I am heavily campaigning for it."
Interviewer: "Do you and Gwyneth Paltrow BBM?"
Chris: "Oh god yes, getting her to stop texting me is impossible."
"Mario, I just have a personal message to you. It's been 25 years and the princess is still being caught by the Koopas, I'm just saying... but she might be a little attention-seeking. You might want to start seeing other people... just throwing it out there."
"Flatterment." (Chris' made-up word)
"Wicked was my first strange obsession, I should have probably been on medication for that obsession."
"I reek of Von Trapp."
(In his school choir) "Every year I'd ask to sing Defying Gravity, and they'd turn me down. I think it was because the girls were jealous that I could sing it and they couldn't."
"My little sister was always ill, and whenever I acted... it was kind of an escape from that."
"I was just so amazing that I guess I just walked in and they just changed the show from then on."
(Upon hearing Kevin complain about being in a wheelchair) "I’m in skinny jeans everyday, and I think that’s much harder; everyday, dancing in skinny jeans… I don’t know what his problem is."
"When I'm stuck in traffic I'll pretend I'm on a motorcycle... it's so therapeutic."
"I want a bright blue motorcycle with a matching helmet and jacket... well the jacket doesn't have to match. I just want a bright blue, NINJA motorcycle."
"Come to think of it... most of my injuries are from Glee."
"Kurt can take a sow's ear and make it into a silk purse."
Interviewer: "Are you really a soprano?"
Chris: "Um, I... Not really. I'm more of a... I think the correct term is countertenor, but I can sing high... I have a high-pitched voice, yes. What the hell, yeah, I am. I'm a soprano."
Interviewer: "When did you know that you were 'so different'?"
Chris: "Probably elementary school. I was very different from most kids. I would stay home and write and put on shows when other people would go to the football game, and I think I just put all that energy into wanting to get out of there and do something with my life."
Interviewer: "A lot of people have been inspired by your character on Glee. Do you hope to further that?"
Chris: "I certainly hope so. It's an amazing message to be a part of and to represent, so I would hope so. I hope I bring that message to the grocery store when I go."
About meeting Betty White "I just wanted to pick her up and squeeze her, hopefully not break her... and just bring her home and snuggle. I just wanna snuggle with Betty White. Who doesn’t?"
Interviewer: "If you were to take over the world, how would you do it?"
Chris: "A Ninja army would do the trick, and it just sounds cool. I'd only want to take over the pretty places, there's a lot of the world I have no interest in."
"Kristin Chenoweth and I actually eloped when she came to film her guest spot. We know our children will be high pitched and cartoonish."
"On the street it's usually just like, "Are you the guy from Glee?" And if it's a guy, he always says, ’Oh, my mom or my girlfriend love you... Never him and you’re like, "Sure, right, like you don’t watch the show too."
Um... I love swords? I grew up watching Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and always wanted to learn. It’s great exercise. And it's good to know that you could kick ass if you needed to."
"When I was really little, I'd watch movies and want desperately to be on the other side of the screen having all the fun and adventures. I was horrible in school because I had these daydreams about something like this. Sometimes a town that has a million wonderful qualities can have its share of small-minded qualities too. That started a lot of my hoping for an escape."
Interviewer: "Let’s talk about "Animal" for a second, what were your thoughts on that foam party?"
Chris: There were some moments that were very suggestive, which I guess you’d expect at a foam party. Just the fact that these kids found an abandoned warehouse in the middle of nowhere with so many foam machines, I think that’s the real accomplishment!
Interviewer: "You have a trademark voice now, at a certain pitch. Are you worried about it changing?"
Chris: "Absolutely, every day. I think it would be God’s cruelest joke if finally I have a use for this voice that I've been teased about every single day since I was, I dunno, thirteen, and then He takes it away."
Chris: "I love the writing aspect of, of, of, of, of, of it all."
Interviewer: "You sure have a knack for it."
Chris: "Yes, I have a way with words."
Interviewer: "What's the craziest thing a fan has ever done to you?"
Chris: "I have my merry band of stalkers, that's always fun."
"Clovis is very... it's not a small town, it's a big town because theirs not much to do there except reproduce so it keeps getting bigger and bigger."
(Upon deciding the Biggest Glee Brainiac) "I'm going to have to say me, cause I'm the one just randomly shooting European facts that no one cares about, European History.. um... did you know that Margaret Thatcher blah-blah-blah-blah, and it's like, "No Chris, and we don't care."
"Darren's a good kisser, I would say that. And he knows it..."
(About Sai-swords) "They're fun to twirl and it's the only time I feel like a badass."
(Referring to Sai-swords) Interviewer: "Does anyone know how to use these?"
Chris: *raises hand*
Interviewer: "Apparently you are quite the expert with these."
Chris: "I'm kinda a ninja."
Matthew Morrison: "WHAT?!"
(While pretending to get married) Kathy Griffin: "I promise to love you, adore you, which I already do... and look the other way when you're screwing the pool boy."
Chris: "Well how do I top that? I promise to love, slightly obey and hire a pool boy."
(While being Kurt) "I'm normally not attracted to people that are vertically challenged."
(While being Kurt) Chris: "You know what's better then Kurt and Blaine?"
(Darren as Blaine) Darren: "I don't what is possibly better then Kurt and Blaine."
Chris: "KURT AND BLAINE IN 3D!"
(Trying to write an original Glee song) "Oh Blaine, you drive me insane... OOOOH! I miss the New Directions, now I'm with these Warbler infections. I miss Mercedes, and all my single ladies."
Amber Riley: "He screams while he's asleep."
Chris: "I look over and theirs a black woman (Amber) next to me, and I have never shared a bed in my life with somebody, so of course I screamed.
"My favorite vocal warm-up starts with "Don't cry for me argen..." Then goes to "And I am telling you! I'm not going!"
(While doing a badass Sue Sylvester impression) "Destination... HORROR!"
Interviewer: "So, you had a Wizard of Oz dream, where you were tired of walking down the yellow brick road. So you stole a Munchkin's car."
Chris: "Yeah... poor little guy."
Interviewer: "Do you eat cheese before bed? Because it is said to cause nightmares."
Chris: "I mean... it was a nightmare for the munchkin, not me... He had grand theft auto happen to him!"
"I do all kind of fun things when I'm unconscious."
(While being on a roller-coaster) "Well, so much for season 2!"
Interviewer: "If you could bring one celebrity to Glee, who would it be?"
Chris: "Can I bring J.K Rowling?"
Interviewer: "Yes."
Chris: "Then I'll bring her."
(Talking about a school assignment) "We had a GPS and had to find different coordinates, then give the GPS to our partner. And of course, I was partnered with a douche. So... I found a way to program my own coordinates... and there was a mountain of fertilizer, so I programed that and watched as the douche climbed it."
"I got a billboard of myself and gave it to my parents, they put it in my old room. So it's strange when I sleep in my old bed and see my face staring down at me."
"Kurt is the fashionable soprano."
Interviewer: "How did you audition?"
Chris: "Well, I went to the audition. That helped."
"I'd put on concerts in my shower... and it's so much louder then it actually is, my neighbors were probably silting their wrists."
Interviewer: "Who is the person you look up to most of the cast?"
Chris: "I'm on brother/sister terms with everyone... but I'd have to say Jane, everyone else I'm pretty sure look up to me."
Chris+Amber: "You think that's hard, try live tweeting, that's hard!"
"I hate to say that I'm a Cinderfella... but I kinda feel like it."
"It feels like I'm still living in Clovis California... but I went insane."
"My dad's actually sick right now, so... hi dad. Get better and stop texting me."
Ellen: "What you do at night is scary. Tell people."
Chris: "Okay... I've always been a sleep-walker, but lately I started sleep-shopping... online. And random things kept showing up at my doorstep, like the complete series of the Carol Burnett show, a life sized poster of Lady Gaga."
"I actually had to spend a week home around Christmas. And my mom was in heaven taking care of me, she was like, *fakes girly voice* "It's time for your pill now!"
"My mom and dad tell me that when I was 3 or 4 months old, I was obsessed with watching Wheel of Fortune."
"When I was little, award shows were my thing. My family knew that whenever the Oscars, the Emmys or the Golden Globes were on, I had the tv!"
(Talking to a fish) Chris: "Hey little guy, are you a glee fan?"
Fish: *shakes his head*
Chris: "Not even a little bit?"
Fish: *swims away*
(To Ryan about Kurt's boyfriend) "All that I ask is that I'm the better looking of the two."
(On Kurt/Mercedes) Chris: "We're basically the same character,"
Amber: "Yeah, I'm the female black diva..."
Chris: "And Kurt wishes he was the female black diva!"
"My life is an awkward visit from the kid's table while awaiting a History Channel special."
"I just downloaded the new Alvin and the Chipmunks album! They're the only guys that make music in my key!"
"I despise High School Musical. I don't think I hate anything else more besides murder."
"My legs turned blue. Along with... other things."
"More tiger, less kitten."
Interviewer: "Have you been kissing any boys in private school uniforms lately?"
Chris: "No, not HERE."
Interviewer: "Any artist you would like to cover on Glee?"
Amber: "Michael Jackson."
Jenna Ushkowitz: "Elton John."
Chris: "Andrew Lloyd Webber!"
Interviewer: "Why?"
Chris: "I just want an excuse to sing Don't Cry for me Argentina."
Interviewer: "Do you ever hear from kids that went to your school?"
Chris: "Yeah, but it's always the jackasses... they'll talk to me and say, "Hey remember me? We used to have so much fun." When you stuck that tampon on my back in homeroom, it was not fun for me."
"I was like every generic little boy in every musical known to man."
(About Glee) Chris: "It's a Sci-Fi thriller. Lot of blood, lots of gore, lots of bodies."
Jenna: "No, it's an hour comedy, it's basically about a glee club, and a bunch of outcasts are underdogs who just try to find their way in high school."
"Only Glee can make a sex scene tear jerking!"
(About Kristin Chenoweth) "See what she does to me! She makes me stutter!"
Interviewer: "You had Kristin Chenoweth on the show, what was that like?"
Jenna: "It was fun, she's pretty stellar."
Chris: "She's pretty bad ass. She must have gotten tired of me following her around, collecting her DNA."
"Me. I think I'm the biggest nerd out of all of us. Everyone else has there cool side, but I'm just a dweeb."
"I learned where babies come from because of Push it."
Mark Salling: "I really enjoyed watching Chris perform Single Ladies... and maybe... just maybe..."
Chris: "No. Just no. My mother is right over there, no way.. sorry."
Chris: "I like Push It, we were all pregnant after that number."
Amber: "Very, very close."
Chris: "We needed shots."
Interviewer: "How did your highschool experience relate to your character?"
Cory Monteith: "I didn't play football."
Interviewer: "Did Chris?"
Chris: "Yes, I was the star quarterback. No, it was pretty much the same as Kurt, I wasn't psychically tossed into a dumpster, but emotionally and verbally."
Cast Members: "AWWW!"
Fan Question (to Matthew): "Your character seems torn between his self-absorbed wife and OCD co-worker. Which do you hope he'll choose?"
Chris: "Yeah... you sure know how to pick them in the show."
Fan Question: "Who was your first cartoon crush?"
Chris: "I was in love with the pink power ranger."
Matthew: "What did the pink power ranger do differently then the other power rangers?"
Chris: "It might have been the pterodactyl thing, I might have had a pterodactyl fetish."
Chris: "My worst audition is when I asked the cast director "When are you due?" and she wasn't..."
(To Amber) "Human Itunes, right here."
"Dumpster scene today. Injured my toe, knee, wrist, hand, and finger. At least I can say I do my own stunts."
"My Twitter account has been verified!!! This must be what Pinocchio felt like when he became a real boy!"
"I tried reenacting Pink's Grammy performance with a blanket and duct tape. Epic fail."
"He (Kurt) goes through a Meryl Streep movie of emotions."
"There's nothing more terrifying then a teenage girl."
"Everyone thinks I'm like sucking on helium everywhere I go, I don't understand."
"I'm not sure how you can offend gay people, animals, the homeless and horses all in one sentence."
"Nothing says Barbra Streisand like ninja-swords."
Interviewer: "Who's most likely to be class clown?"
Everyone: "Chris or Cory."
Chris: "Well, Cory is more clowny, I'm more sarcastic and judgmental."
"I was president of the writing club in high-school, which was me. I was the writing club."
"My friend's were the lunch ladies, every lunch I'd hang out with them. Because, well, they had soda."
Interviewer: "You looked like you were about to say something."
Chris: "I just have that look."
"Kurt's worst fear would probably be school uniforms."
(About talking to Kristin Chenoweth) "Oh my god! I'm your biggest fan! We sound exactly alike!"
"I saw Spiderman last night, and unfortunately it went really well. Nothing happened until the very end when something went wrong with Spiderman's harness. We just pointed and laughed."
"Everyone wants to be Lady Gaga at one point or another."
"Who wouldn't want to be Oprah Winfrey?!"
Interviewer: "Does it feel good to have your little payback?"
Chris: "Yes! Oh god, YES! Those individuals, it's like you just want to say SUCK IT!"
Interviewer: "Is there anyone in particular that you want to give revenge to?"
Chris: "No, I hated them all equally."
(Upon the Kurt/Blaine kiss) "After the first kiss I was like "damn Darren!" I need a cigarette now, cause that was intense."
Chris: "I was expecting an awesome, huge, tour of the Whitehouse... but it got canceled. I was pissed and was like, "There better be a good reason!" It was because they caught Osama. As if I didn't hate him already!"
"I'm sorry everyone, when performing Single Ladies yesterday, I pulled my, um... dignity."
Interviewer: "Chris, you've been separated from your cast for most of the season. Has that been sad?"
Chris: "It's been wonderful."
"Mannequins are great, they don't talk back."
"Would you believe I actually do not own a bedazzler?"
(After Chris accidentally reveals Kurt is returning to McKinley) "Oh; like you didn't know!"
(About Klaine) Interviewer: "What happens after the kiss?"
Chris: "Probably more kissing. I mean, there’s all types of kisses. I could walk you through them..."
Interviewer: "Do you think it'll go further than that or is it too soon?"
Chris: "I dunno, maybe. Or maybe they're very, you know, they’re like in a very Victorian romance where they're only gonna kiss, and maybe Kurt will show him his shoulder, like, just gently."
Interviewer: "Anyone you look up to?"
Chris: "Mickey Mouse, because he made it okay to be a male with a high-pitched voice."
Interviewer: "What would you give Darren Criss on the kiss from a scale of 1-10?"
Chris: "I was pleasantly surprised, I would give him a 10... but I'd give myself a 12."
Interviewer: "Chris, how did you get so cute?"
Chris: "I was born that way."
"I had a younger sister named Hannah, hi Hannah!"
(On a Cool Kids' Table Segment) "We're all just specs of dust passing through our universe who doesn't really care about us at all. Existence is just chaos. And then you die."
(About the Glee episode "The First Time") "I WAS SCARED SHITLESS!"
James Lipton (Inside the Actor's Studio Host): "What were your interests in high-school?"
Chris: "Drama, speech and debate... um... anything colorful and fun."
James Lipton (About Chris' audition): "Did you have to sing to get the role?"
Chris (Very seriously): "You have a video, don't you?"
James Lipton: "You've described Kurt as a tough guy in designer clothes."
Chris: "I think what I love about Kurt the most is that he's always himself even the world tells him he shouldn't be and it takes a lot of strength to be who he is and to wear those tight pants."
James Lipton: "How is Kurt different from you?"
Chris: "I don't know... we're both high-pitched, we're both brunette."
"It's strange when people believe so strongly against you, but want proof that they met you. It's kind of awesome."
"If they're attractive then it's not stalking, it's strongly pursuing."
Chris: "You (Kristin Chenoweth) were actually my first celebrity crush."
Kristin: "I didn't know that!"
Chris (now referring to his sexuality): "My how they've changed over the years."
(To Kristin Chenoweth) "Remember when we came up with the idea of making our own company and being assassins, because no one would expect us to be killing people. We'd be called the Sopranos, obviously."
"Tequila is a drink that makes me think of conspiracy theories of how I'm in line for the British throne."
"This man runs in and bangs on the window of the waiting room area (of the hospital Chris was at) and says, "My friend. She's having a baby and I might be the father." and I knew it was the start of a wonderful night... later on a woman ran by with no clothes on and the nurses are chasing after her saying, "Ma'am! Ma'am! You must put some clothes on!" and she replied, "My parents died... took all my clothes with them."
"I knew I definitely wanted to get out of that town. It was very small, lots of small minded people, and that’s probably what first drew me to just wanting to act... Actually, growing up my little sister was always very, very ill, in and out of the hospital, and I think that's probably why I started acting... the escape of it. You know, you’re able to pretend to be someone else and you get to pretend to be in another world for so long. And, you know, growing up, that was great."
Interviewer: "What is your advice for kids that are getting bullied?"
Chris: "Never forget. And never forgive. You remember their names, you remember their addresses, you should remember everything. Don't listen to any of that forgive and forget crap. You get even. And one day they'll regret it, 'cause you'll like post their social security number on Twitter or something. You remember the stuff they did to you and you get back. You get them back... and that's all I have to say about that."
(Impersonation of his mom when he calls her) "Who... are you?" *pause* "I'm so sorry Christopher, I don't mean to be silent. I-I-I'm just so proud of you and I-I-I just can't believe you came out of me. It's crazy!"
"I’m not really afraid to be my awkward self, and I know there’s lots and lots of other people just like me out there that are awkward themselves. And I think they just appreciate that I’m not afraid to say the weird things that I say and tweet the obnoxious things that I tweet. But I’ve tried being other people and myself suits me the best. I think you just be honest. I think people respond to honesty."
(Golden globe acceptance speech) "I think I dropped my heart between Natalie Portman and Julianne Moore. So if anyone finds that, please give it back to me. I... can't believe this.... I want to thank Ryan Murphy, for basically being my fairy godfather. Everyone at Fox. Robert Ulrich, for submitting me when there was nothing to submit me for. Our amazing crew that keep us sane during the crazy times. Our very talented cast, you guys deserve this as much as I do. But most importantly, the kids that watch our show and the kids that our show celebrates that are constantly told no by the people in their environments, from bullies at school that they can't be who they are or have what they want cause of who they are... well... screw that, kids."
"I grew up in Clovis, California. It’s a very, very Conservative, you know, Republicans everywhere type town. For as long as I can remember, one of the biggest political issues in our country currently is gay marriage and all that type of stuff... I recently went back for a visit and I still saw, even though the election was almost a year ago, there’s was still signs that said "Yes on Prop 8, Ban Gay Marriage" still in people’s front yards.
And you know, people there weren’t just harassed when I was growing up, they were killed for being gay. So my first reaction was, "Oh my God, I’m going to be gay on network television. That’s terrifying." But now there's been so much great material and so much hope... I was a little scared at first, but now I'm so happy and I’m so proud of the stuff that’s been on the show.
I think it maybe was a way for me to rebel against that whole way, is, "Fine. You said it was wrong when I was growing up? Well now I’m gonna be that on TV and, you know, I’m probably gonna be the face for gay rights for the rest of my life!" But I think there are lots of stories with Kurt that the world needs to see."
Interviewer: "What's your favourite part of Chicago?"
Chris: "That Oprah used to live here,"
(About Struck By Lightning) "Everything's very twisted, including the author."
(About Struck By Lightning) "Therefore; no matter who reviews this movie, no matter what bad review it gets, Judy Bloom has stated she likes this movie so... your opinion is irrelevant.
"I'm tired of being discriminated because I'm way too good-looking!"
(About being bullied in the past) Interviewer: "What would you say to those bullies now?"
Chris: "I have a few words, but I can't say that on live television." *pause* "No, I'd say "Thank you. You've given me a drive."
"My grandmother gave me the best writing advice I have ever gotten; "Christopher, I think you should wait until you're done elementary school before worrying about being a failed writer."
Interviewer: "If your book (Land of Stories: The Wishing Spell) was adapted into a movie, who would you want to play the fairytale characters?"
Chris: "I would want the whole movie to be Meryl Streep, I think she could be every role."
(About two of his favourite movies, Harry Potter and Notes on a Scandal) "From a boy wizard who goes to a school to blackmail for rape. It's all about similar, right?"
(About "The Sister Act") "I used to play the tape and walk around with towels on my head and pretend to be Whoopi. Which I'm sure is a normal thing for every American boy to do, pretend they're Whoopi Goldberg."
"I was a freshmen walking by a group of seniors and they'd be like, "Hey, what's sex with men like?" and I'd say, "Don't you remember?"
(Chris between the scenes of his highschool production of "Man of La Mancha") Interviewer: Do you like your character?
Chris: Um, I’m a little confused about my character’s sexuality. He sings a song called ‘I Like Him’ and he wears a pink corset.
(Upon playing a word association game)
Interviewer: "Actual lightning,"
Chris: "Scary. I hope it doesn't affect me like I, fictitiously made it affect me."
(Upon playing a word association game)
Interviewer: "Christina Hendricks,"
Chris: "Disney Princess."
(Upon playing a word association game)
Interviewer: "Blackmail,"
Chris: "Fun."
"I love me some llamas."
"I have this feud with the LA Unified School District... and I keep getting these phone-calls that my daughter is missing classes. I'm 19, I don't have a daughter! I mean, the 90's were a blur but I don't think I was impregnating at the age of 2. But I'm gonna find this girl and get her ass to school, cause I'm tied of these damn phone-calls!"
"My first reaction was, Oh my god! I get to sing it!? I get to sing Defying gravity!? I get to do it?! Really!? And on National television!?"
Interviewer: "Do you have kids in your life? Relatives or...?"
Chris: "Not really. just the ones who talk to me in my head. I should probably take my medication."
"I really look up to actors that are known for just being damn good actors; that's all I ever aspired to be known as... sexiest man alive couldn't hurt either."
"It's kind of interesting that now when people hear Single Ladies, a song about a women having relationship trouble cause her boyfriend won't commit, they think of me. It's a little strange."
(About his leather Michael jumpsuit) "It was really tight, but my ass looked great... so..."
(Doing a teen.com interview) "Hi! I'm Chris Colfer. Check me out on Teen.com! Check me out...? Well that's suggestive."
"I have something called the Sea Monkey Method. And what that is... is when I was 14, I had sea-monkeys and I forgot to feed them... however, they stayed alive for 7 months. What they were doing, they were eating each other... and living off the waste. So if we could find a waste to live off of, the environment would be better."
(Upon having a fake-relationship)
Dianna Agron: "I was wondering if we should maybe go public with this."
Chris: "Our love...? Yes. Are we dating too? Cause apparently I am dating a lot of people in the cast."
Interviewer: "I would love that! This would be a huge scoop for me and I could talk about this."
Chris: "Yeah, Dianna Agron and I are... dating? Hell yeah, we're going steady, as the kids call it".
"I learned to run very fast after saying comebacks. But it only provoked them. Someone would scream ‘fag’ at me in the hallway and I’d say ‘Yeah, but can you spell it?’. They’d say ‘Hey, your voice is high’ and I’d say ‘Yeah, but so are you most of the time.’ But then they thought it was a game and that I was playing along. I was not playing along."
Interviewer: "Which of you is the funniest cast member?"
Everyone: "Chris."
Chris: "Chris. Because it's true."
Lea Michele: "He's the smartest and funniest."
Chris: "For the record, I'm not smarter then all of you... just most of you."
"I could never rap, I can't even wrap presents."
"There's nothing wrong with you. There's a lot wrong with the world you live in."
"My co-stars get the fun stories, like they're dating this person, real glamorous things like that and the only rumour that has really been about me is that I was killed by a fruit truck."
"I actually have to tone down my own fabulousness and fashionableness when I’m playing Kurt. I kid, I kid. We’re both performers, pale, and sing really high… He’s superior, I’m sarcastic. He’s chic, I’m a geek. He’s fierce, I’m farce. He’s fashionable, I’m flammable."
"If Disney ever did Pinocchio on Broadway, I better get a call. That’s all I’m saying. I just think that I would be perfect for that. I look so much like him that it would honestly be a crime if I didn’t get to do that."
"Whoopi Goldburg is the reason I became black."
"Kurt's clothes are at least half the show's budget."
Interviewer: "Where are you from?
Chris: "Clovis California."
Interviewer: "What is that?"
Chris: "It's a small town where people have no humor but everyone drives a truck."
Interviewer: "If you could be any character in a Harry Potter book, who would you be?"
Chris: "Oh god... definitely want to be Harry, cause he goes through a lot. Or I would want to be one of the Weasley twins... but wait, one of them dies. Okay, I would want to be the one that lives."
(Talking about Thriller/Heads Will Roll) Interviewer: "Did you just want to go and be a zombie?"
Chris: *in husky voice* "Yes I did!"
Interviewer: "Who's the biggest party-er in the cast?"
Chris: "I would say me... only because I stay up the longest."
Interviewer: "What's the weirdest place you've been to?"
Chris: "Hmm... what's an appropriate answer here?"
"One note the director gave me (while kissing Brittany as Kurt) during the make-out scene is that, "Chris, you are too good a kisser. You are kissing her way too well." This was my first Kurt kiss so I kinda just sat there and let her do all the work."
(Talking to Ellen about Lady Gaga) "She reached her hand out and said, "Hi I'm Gaga." And I said, "I can see that... I mean, I know who you are." And then... for whatever reason, I bowed."
Interviewer: "People are saying Glee’s gonna have like a cult following."
Chris: "I hope so! Nothing wrong with cults! Except for the dangerous ones… Those are just bad, don’t join those."
Hater (to Chris, Darren, Lea and Cory on Twitter): "THEY SUCK LIKE GLEE THEY ARE GAY STUPID FUCKING GAY FUCK THEM AND YOU BITCH."
Chris: "Your way with words is outstanding. I applaud you."
(About his grandfather) "He was having heart problems that last night of his life, so they called an ambulance and the last thing he said to my grandmother was, "Let not your heart be troubled." Which is a bible verse, or so they tell me. Then when they were loading him into the ambulance, he was very tall... and a paramedic said, "Gosh, you're a big boy." And he replied with, "That's what she said." And those were his final words."
Chris: "I practice ninjutsu every day."
Interviewer: "Is that the art of defending yourself with ninja weapons?"
Chris: "Yes, the art of the nin (pause) ja."
"We (Darren and I) practice being genuinely nice every day."
"Darren and I are both huge nerds. We love Harry Potter and anything Comic-con-esc."
(After reading a sign for a Regional glee club contest [Emmy Performance]) "Oh it's on bitches."
(About getting a tattoo) Kevin McHale: "As soon as the guy starts, Chris is like "So, what are your parents going to think of this?"
Bonnie Hunt: "Wait, you didn't get one?"
Chris: "Oh HELL no! No, no, no, no! Needles... no."
"So the president walks into the room and is like, "Hi everybody! I'm Barack." And I was like, "I know. I'm Ch-Ch-Chris."
"I kinda sound like I've been sucking on helium all day."
"Funny story: I have a retainer colored like the Italian flag because my orthodontist made a mistake. Just another day in the life of Chris."
"The first one was a real slushie... and it was painful. It felt like I was bitch-slapped by an iceberg."
(About being slushied) "Then when I actually got one it was like, "HOLY HELL!"
(After getting slushied) "I better get an Emmy for that."
"A red carpet and a press line at a funeral has to be the tackiest thing in the world and I want one at mine someday."
"Today a 3 year old girl looked up at me and said, "You sound like a girl." To which I replied, "Yeah, tell me about it."
(About Kurt being at Dalton) Interviewer: "When will Kurt be coming back to McKinley?"
Chris: "I don’t know if I can tell you! It will be fairly soon, if it happens… I might have to take my boyfriend with me, absolutely. We’ll see… He’d be a great accessory for Kurt at McKinley, that’s true."
(About the Klaine breakup) Interviewer: "I was trying to explain to my producers earlier that this is NOT fake, this is for reals."
Chris: "Yeah, yeah, yeah, no... it's fake."
"My voice is a blessing and a curse."
"People still call me ma'am on the phone. And it doesn't even bother me anymore."
"Going through a drive-thru is always fun. Cause it's always so shocking when they'd see me. It would kinda be like, "Oh thank you ma'am..... WOAH! Woah... sorry bout that."
"Kids make fun of my for my voice. When I get excited or nervous it gets REALLY high-pitched, then dogs just go crazy and I remember one time I was coming out of a restaurant... and there was this little girl in a princess dress. And I said, "Oh look how cute you are in a princess dress!" And she looks at me and she's like, "You sound like a girl."
George Lopez: "When did you realize your voice wouldn't change?"
Chris: "Well, I used to go to the doctor and we'd ask, "Is my voice going to change?" And they'd be like, "Well... you're 18... probably not."
George Lopez: "You're right under the M on Time magazine's 100 most influential people."
Chris: *takes the magazine* "Actually, if you block out the T and I, it says Me."
"I was offended at the White House, they didn't search my bag, scan me or anything. I was just so non-threatening, that they let me pass."
"I'll be performing in the Glee Live tour on my 21 birthday, and I expect the whole audience to bring me alcohol."
"I still want Julie Andrews to play my grandmother, I am heavily campaigning for it."
Interviewer: "Do you and Gwyneth Paltrow BBM?"
Chris: "Oh god yes, getting her to stop texting me is impossible."
"Mario, I just have a personal message to you. It's been 25 years and the princess is still being caught by the Koopas, I'm just saying... but she might be a little attention-seeking. You might want to start seeing other people... just throwing it out there."
"Flatterment." (Chris' made-up word)
"Wicked was my first strange obsession, I should have probably been on medication for that obsession."
"I reek of Von Trapp."
(In his school choir) "Every year I'd ask to sing Defying Gravity, and they'd turn me down. I think it was because the girls were jealous that I could sing it and they couldn't."
"My little sister was always ill, and whenever I acted... it was kind of an escape from that."
"I was just so amazing that I guess I just walked in and they just changed the show from then on."
(Upon hearing Kevin complain about being in a wheelchair) "I’m in skinny jeans everyday, and I think that’s much harder; everyday, dancing in skinny jeans… I don’t know what his problem is."
"When I'm stuck in traffic I'll pretend I'm on a motorcycle... it's so therapeutic."
"I want a bright blue motorcycle with a matching helmet and jacket... well the jacket doesn't have to match. I just want a bright blue, NINJA motorcycle."
"Come to think of it... most of my injuries are from Glee."
"Kurt can take a sow's ear and make it into a silk purse."
Interviewer: "Are you really a soprano?"
Chris: "Um, I... Not really. I'm more of a... I think the correct term is countertenor, but I can sing high... I have a high-pitched voice, yes. What the hell, yeah, I am. I'm a soprano."
Interviewer: "When did you know that you were 'so different'?"
Chris: "Probably elementary school. I was very different from most kids. I would stay home and write and put on shows when other people would go to the football game, and I think I just put all that energy into wanting to get out of there and do something with my life."
Interviewer: "A lot of people have been inspired by your character on Glee. Do you hope to further that?"
Chris: "I certainly hope so. It's an amazing message to be a part of and to represent, so I would hope so. I hope I bring that message to the grocery store when I go."
About meeting Betty White "I just wanted to pick her up and squeeze her, hopefully not break her... and just bring her home and snuggle. I just wanna snuggle with Betty White. Who doesn’t?"
Interviewer: "If you were to take over the world, how would you do it?"
Chris: "A Ninja army would do the trick, and it just sounds cool. I'd only want to take over the pretty places, there's a lot of the world I have no interest in."
"Kristin Chenoweth and I actually eloped when she came to film her guest spot. We know our children will be high pitched and cartoonish."
"On the street it's usually just like, "Are you the guy from Glee?" And if it's a guy, he always says, ’Oh, my mom or my girlfriend love you... Never him and you’re like, "Sure, right, like you don’t watch the show too."
Um... I love swords? I grew up watching Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and always wanted to learn. It’s great exercise. And it's good to know that you could kick ass if you needed to."
"When I was really little, I'd watch movies and want desperately to be on the other side of the screen having all the fun and adventures. I was horrible in school because I had these daydreams about something like this. Sometimes a town that has a million wonderful qualities can have its share of small-minded qualities too. That started a lot of my hoping for an escape."
Interviewer: "Let’s talk about "Animal" for a second, what were your thoughts on that foam party?"
Chris: There were some moments that were very suggestive, which I guess you’d expect at a foam party. Just the fact that these kids found an abandoned warehouse in the middle of nowhere with so many foam machines, I think that’s the real accomplishment!
Interviewer: "You have a trademark voice now, at a certain pitch. Are you worried about it changing?"
Chris: "Absolutely, every day. I think it would be God’s cruelest joke if finally I have a use for this voice that I've been teased about every single day since I was, I dunno, thirteen, and then He takes it away."
Chris: "I love the writing aspect of, of, of, of, of, of it all."
Interviewer: "You sure have a knack for it."
Chris: "Yes, I have a way with words."
Interviewer: "What's the craziest thing a fan has ever done to you?"
Chris: "I have my merry band of stalkers, that's always fun."
"Clovis is very... it's not a small town, it's a big town because theirs not much to do there except reproduce so it keeps getting bigger and bigger."
(Upon deciding the Biggest Glee Brainiac) "I'm going to have to say me, cause I'm the one just randomly shooting European facts that no one cares about, European History.. um... did you know that Margaret Thatcher blah-blah-blah-blah, and it's like, "No Chris, and we don't care."
"Darren's a good kisser, I would say that. And he knows it..."
(About Sai-swords) "They're fun to twirl and it's the only time I feel like a badass."
(Referring to Sai-swords) Interviewer: "Does anyone know how to use these?"
Chris: *raises hand*
Interviewer: "Apparently you are quite the expert with these."
Chris: "I'm kinda a ninja."
Matthew Morrison: "WHAT?!"
(While pretending to get married) Kathy Griffin: "I promise to love you, adore you, which I already do... and look the other way when you're screwing the pool boy."
Chris: "Well how do I top that? I promise to love, slightly obey and hire a pool boy."
(While being Kurt) "I'm normally not attracted to people that are vertically challenged."
(While being Kurt) Chris: "You know what's better then Kurt and Blaine?"
(Darren as Blaine) Darren: "I don't what is possibly better then Kurt and Blaine."
Chris: "KURT AND BLAINE IN 3D!"
(Trying to write an original Glee song) "Oh Blaine, you drive me insane... OOOOH! I miss the New Directions, now I'm with these Warbler infections. I miss Mercedes, and all my single ladies."
Amber Riley: "He screams while he's asleep."
Chris: "I look over and theirs a black woman (Amber) next to me, and I have never shared a bed in my life with somebody, so of course I screamed.
"My favorite vocal warm-up starts with "Don't cry for me argen..." Then goes to "And I am telling you! I'm not going!"
(While doing a badass Sue Sylvester impression) "Destination... HORROR!"
Interviewer: "So, you had a Wizard of Oz dream, where you were tired of walking down the yellow brick road. So you stole a Munchkin's car."
Chris: "Yeah... poor little guy."
Interviewer: "Do you eat cheese before bed? Because it is said to cause nightmares."
Chris: "I mean... it was a nightmare for the munchkin, not me... He had grand theft auto happen to him!"
"I do all kind of fun things when I'm unconscious."
(While being on a roller-coaster) "Well, so much for season 2!"
Interviewer: "If you could bring one celebrity to Glee, who would it be?"
Chris: "Can I bring J.K Rowling?"
Interviewer: "Yes."
Chris: "Then I'll bring her."
(Talking about a school assignment) "We had a GPS and had to find different coordinates, then give the GPS to our partner. And of course, I was partnered with a douche. So... I found a way to program my own coordinates... and there was a mountain of fertilizer, so I programed that and watched as the douche climbed it."
"I got a billboard of myself and gave it to my parents, they put it in my old room. So it's strange when I sleep in my old bed and see my face staring down at me."
"Kurt is the fashionable soprano."
Interviewer: "How did you audition?"
Chris: "Well, I went to the audition. That helped."
"I'd put on concerts in my shower... and it's so much louder then it actually is, my neighbors were probably silting their wrists."
Interviewer: "Who is the person you look up to most of the cast?"
Chris: "I'm on brother/sister terms with everyone... but I'd have to say Jane, everyone else I'm pretty sure look up to me."
Chris+Amber: "You think that's hard, try live tweeting, that's hard!"
"I hate to say that I'm a Cinderfella... but I kinda feel like it."
"It feels like I'm still living in Clovis California... but I went insane."
"My dad's actually sick right now, so... hi dad. Get better and stop texting me."
Ellen: "What you do at night is scary. Tell people."
Chris: "Okay... I've always been a sleep-walker, but lately I started sleep-shopping... online. And random things kept showing up at my doorstep, like the complete series of the Carol Burnett show, a life sized poster of Lady Gaga."
"I actually had to spend a week home around Christmas. And my mom was in heaven taking care of me, she was like, *fakes girly voice* "It's time for your pill now!"
"My mom and dad tell me that when I was 3 or 4 months old, I was obsessed with watching Wheel of Fortune."
"When I was little, award shows were my thing. My family knew that whenever the Oscars, the Emmys or the Golden Globes were on, I had the tv!"
(Talking to a fish) Chris: "Hey little guy, are you a glee fan?"
Fish: *shakes his head*
Chris: "Not even a little bit?"
Fish: *swims away*
(To Ryan about Kurt's boyfriend) "All that I ask is that I'm the better looking of the two."
(On Kurt/Mercedes) Chris: "We're basically the same character,"
Amber: "Yeah, I'm the female black diva..."
Chris: "And Kurt wishes he was the female black diva!"
"My life is an awkward visit from the kid's table while awaiting a History Channel special."
"I just downloaded the new Alvin and the Chipmunks album! They're the only guys that make music in my key!"
"I despise High School Musical. I don't think I hate anything else more besides murder."
"My legs turned blue. Along with... other things."
"More tiger, less kitten."
Interviewer: "Have you been kissing any boys in private school uniforms lately?"
Chris: "No, not HERE."
Interviewer: "Any artist you would like to cover on Glee?"
Amber: "Michael Jackson."
Jenna Ushkowitz: "Elton John."
Chris: "Andrew Lloyd Webber!"
Interviewer: "Why?"
Chris: "I just want an excuse to sing Don't Cry for me Argentina."
Interviewer: "Do you ever hear from kids that went to your school?"
Chris: "Yeah, but it's always the jackasses... they'll talk to me and say, "Hey remember me? We used to have so much fun." When you stuck that tampon on my back in homeroom, it was not fun for me."
"I was like every generic little boy in every musical known to man."
(About Glee) Chris: "It's a Sci-Fi thriller. Lot of blood, lots of gore, lots of bodies."
Jenna: "No, it's an hour comedy, it's basically about a glee club, and a bunch of outcasts are underdogs who just try to find their way in high school."
"Only Glee can make a sex scene tear jerking!"
(About Kristin Chenoweth) "See what she does to me! She makes me stutter!"
Interviewer: "You had Kristin Chenoweth on the show, what was that like?"
Jenna: "It was fun, she's pretty stellar."
Chris: "She's pretty bad ass. She must have gotten tired of me following her around, collecting her DNA."
"Me. I think I'm the biggest nerd out of all of us. Everyone else has there cool side, but I'm just a dweeb."
"I learned where babies come from because of Push it."
Mark Salling: "I really enjoyed watching Chris perform Single Ladies... and maybe... just maybe..."
Chris: "No. Just no. My mother is right over there, no way.. sorry."
Chris: "I like Push It, we were all pregnant after that number."
Amber: "Very, very close."
Chris: "We needed shots."
Interviewer: "How did your highschool experience relate to your character?"
Cory Monteith: "I didn't play football."
Interviewer: "Did Chris?"
Chris: "Yes, I was the star quarterback. No, it was pretty much the same as Kurt, I wasn't psychically tossed into a dumpster, but emotionally and verbally."
Cast Members: "AWWW!"
Fan Question (to Matthew): "Your character seems torn between his self-absorbed wife and OCD co-worker. Which do you hope he'll choose?"
Chris: "Yeah... you sure know how to pick them in the show."
Fan Question: "Who was your first cartoon crush?"
Chris: "I was in love with the pink power ranger."
Matthew: "What did the pink power ranger do differently then the other power rangers?"
Chris: "It might have been the pterodactyl thing, I might have had a pterodactyl fetish."
Chris: "My worst audition is when I asked the cast director "When are you due?" and she wasn't..."
(To Amber) "Human Itunes, right here."
"Dumpster scene today. Injured my toe, knee, wrist, hand, and finger. At least I can say I do my own stunts."
"My Twitter account has been verified!!! This must be what Pinocchio felt like when he became a real boy!"
"I tried reenacting Pink's Grammy performance with a blanket and duct tape. Epic fail."
"He (Kurt) goes through a Meryl Streep movie of emotions."
"There's nothing more terrifying then a teenage girl."
"Everyone thinks I'm like sucking on helium everywhere I go, I don't understand."
"I'm not sure how you can offend gay people, animals, the homeless and horses all in one sentence."
"Nothing says Barbra Streisand like ninja-swords."
Interviewer: "Who's most likely to be class clown?"
Everyone: "Chris or Cory."
Chris: "Well, Cory is more clowny, I'm more sarcastic and judgmental."
"I was president of the writing club in high-school, which was me. I was the writing club."
"My friend's were the lunch ladies, every lunch I'd hang out with them. Because, well, they had soda."
Interviewer: "You looked like you were about to say something."
Chris: "I just have that look."
"Kurt's worst fear would probably be school uniforms."
(About talking to Kristin Chenoweth) "Oh my god! I'm your biggest fan! We sound exactly alike!"
"I saw Spiderman last night, and unfortunately it went really well. Nothing happened until the very end when something went wrong with Spiderman's harness. We just pointed and laughed."
"Everyone wants to be Lady Gaga at one point or another."
"Who wouldn't want to be Oprah Winfrey?!"
Interviewer: "Does it feel good to have your little payback?"
Chris: "Yes! Oh god, YES! Those individuals, it's like you just want to say SUCK IT!"
Interviewer: "Is there anyone in particular that you want to give revenge to?"
Chris: "No, I hated them all equally."
(Upon the Kurt/Blaine kiss) "After the first kiss I was like "damn Darren!" I need a cigarette now, cause that was intense."
Chris: "I was expecting an awesome, huge, tour of the Whitehouse... but it got canceled. I was pissed and was like, "There better be a good reason!" It was because they caught Osama. As if I didn't hate him already!"
"I'm sorry everyone, when performing Single Ladies yesterday, I pulled my, um... dignity."
Interviewer: "Chris, you've been separated from your cast for most of the season. Has that been sad?"
Chris: "It's been wonderful."
"Mannequins are great, they don't talk back."
"Would you believe I actually do not own a bedazzler?"
(After Chris accidentally reveals Kurt is returning to McKinley) "Oh; like you didn't know!"
(About Klaine) Interviewer: "What happens after the kiss?"
Chris: "Probably more kissing. I mean, there’s all types of kisses. I could walk you through them..."
Interviewer: "Do you think it'll go further than that or is it too soon?"
Chris: "I dunno, maybe. Or maybe they're very, you know, they’re like in a very Victorian romance where they're only gonna kiss, and maybe Kurt will show him his shoulder, like, just gently."
Interviewer: "Anyone you look up to?"
Chris: "Mickey Mouse, because he made it okay to be a male with a high-pitched voice."
Interviewer: "What would you give Darren Criss on the kiss from a scale of 1-10?"
Chris: "I was pleasantly surprised, I would give him a 10... but I'd give myself a 12."
Interviewer: "Chris, how did you get so cute?"
Chris: "I was born that way."
"I had a younger sister named Hannah, hi Hannah!"
(On a Cool Kids' Table Segment) "We're all just specs of dust passing through our universe who doesn't really care about us at all. Existence is just chaos. And then you die."
(About the Glee episode "The First Time") "I WAS SCARED SHITLESS!"
James Lipton (Inside the Actor's Studio Host): "What were your interests in high-school?"
Chris: "Drama, speech and debate... um... anything colorful and fun."
James Lipton (About Chris' audition): "Did you have to sing to get the role?"
Chris (Very seriously): "You have a video, don't you?"
James Lipton: "You've described Kurt as a tough guy in designer clothes."
Chris: "I think what I love about Kurt the most is that he's always himself even the world tells him he shouldn't be and it takes a lot of strength to be who he is and to wear those tight pants."
James Lipton: "How is Kurt different from you?"
Chris: "I don't know... we're both high-pitched, we're both brunette."
"It's strange when people believe so strongly against you, but want proof that they met you. It's kind of awesome."
"If they're attractive then it's not stalking, it's strongly pursuing."
Chris: "You (Kristin Chenoweth) were actually my first celebrity crush."
Kristin: "I didn't know that!"
Chris (now referring to his sexuality): "My how they've changed over the years."
(To Kristin Chenoweth) "Remember when we came up with the idea of making our own company and being assassins, because no one would expect us to be killing people. We'd be called the Sopranos, obviously."
"Tequila is a drink that makes me think of conspiracy theories of how I'm in line for the British throne."
"This man runs in and bangs on the window of the waiting room area (of the hospital Chris was at) and says, "My friend. She's having a baby and I might be the father." and I knew it was the start of a wonderful night... later on a woman ran by with no clothes on and the nurses are chasing after her saying, "Ma'am! Ma'am! You must put some clothes on!" and she replied, "My parents died... took all my clothes with them."
"I knew I definitely wanted to get out of that town. It was very small, lots of small minded people, and that’s probably what first drew me to just wanting to act... Actually, growing up my little sister was always very, very ill, in and out of the hospital, and I think that's probably why I started acting... the escape of it. You know, you’re able to pretend to be someone else and you get to pretend to be in another world for so long. And, you know, growing up, that was great."
Interviewer: "What is your advice for kids that are getting bullied?"
Chris: "Never forget. And never forgive. You remember their names, you remember their addresses, you should remember everything. Don't listen to any of that forgive and forget crap. You get even. And one day they'll regret it, 'cause you'll like post their social security number on Twitter or something. You remember the stuff they did to you and you get back. You get them back... and that's all I have to say about that."
(Impersonation of his mom when he calls her) "Who... are you?" *pause* "I'm so sorry Christopher, I don't mean to be silent. I-I-I'm just so proud of you and I-I-I just can't believe you came out of me. It's crazy!"
"I’m not really afraid to be my awkward self, and I know there’s lots and lots of other people just like me out there that are awkward themselves. And I think they just appreciate that I’m not afraid to say the weird things that I say and tweet the obnoxious things that I tweet. But I’ve tried being other people and myself suits me the best. I think you just be honest. I think people respond to honesty."
(Golden globe acceptance speech) "I think I dropped my heart between Natalie Portman and Julianne Moore. So if anyone finds that, please give it back to me. I... can't believe this.... I want to thank Ryan Murphy, for basically being my fairy godfather. Everyone at Fox. Robert Ulrich, for submitting me when there was nothing to submit me for. Our amazing crew that keep us sane during the crazy times. Our very talented cast, you guys deserve this as much as I do. But most importantly, the kids that watch our show and the kids that our show celebrates that are constantly told no by the people in their environments, from bullies at school that they can't be who they are or have what they want cause of who they are... well... screw that, kids."
"I grew up in Clovis, California. It’s a very, very Conservative, you know, Republicans everywhere type town. For as long as I can remember, one of the biggest political issues in our country currently is gay marriage and all that type of stuff... I recently went back for a visit and I still saw, even though the election was almost a year ago, there’s was still signs that said "Yes on Prop 8, Ban Gay Marriage" still in people’s front yards.
And you know, people there weren’t just harassed when I was growing up, they were killed for being gay. So my first reaction was, "Oh my God, I’m going to be gay on network television. That’s terrifying." But now there's been so much great material and so much hope... I was a little scared at first, but now I'm so happy and I’m so proud of the stuff that’s been on the show.
I think it maybe was a way for me to rebel against that whole way, is, "Fine. You said it was wrong when I was growing up? Well now I’m gonna be that on TV and, you know, I’m probably gonna be the face for gay rights for the rest of my life!" But I think there are lots of stories with Kurt that the world needs to see."